I always cringe when I hear of children having to catch up on homework after school or sitting in a classroom for hours on end doing math or spelling. Children don’t actually choose to do these things or even want to, and in my experience as an unschooling parent, they do not actually need to.
From a young age children are worked into the ground. Healthy, free playtime becomes replaced with chores, responsibilities and schoolwork. Play becomes structured and directed, rather than naturally spontaneous and autonomous. Childhood soon becomes about getting out there into the world and doing your job. In the case of the parent, they may go out and become a bar tender or accountant. They may work long hours, have to do overtime, feel tired at the end of the day, and not look forward to having to get up and do it all again the next day. They dream of the day they no longer need to work for a living.
In the case of the child, they go out and become a student. They work long hours, have to do overtime (homework), feel tired at the end of the day, and do not look forward to having to get up and do it all over again. They may secretly wish they didn’t need to go to school for a living.
If we were to be completely honest with ourselves we would see that our very own sense of entrapment is projected onto our children and the way we expect them to live their lives. I’ve heard many parents say “I go to work so you have to go to school; that’s just the way it is.” It may be the way it is, but it’s not the way it has to be or should be.
If we are cut off from our own sense of freedom, empowerment and choice, how can we expect to raise our children any different? We are just teaching them to hate learning, become bored and feel trapped in their lives. Having so many limits as a child results in feeling immense limitation in adulthood ~ all we have to do is take a good look at our own lives and the ways in which we feel stuck with no other option out. We were not taught how to navigate our own lives or follow our hearts; we were thrown out into the world to do the same thing everyone else does ~ work!
Being the example of freedom for our children starts with being with the lack of freedom in ourselves. It’s being honest about who we really are and what we really want. If we are resentful towards our work and are in a job that isn’t fulfilling, then it’s not what we’re meant to be doing. We are just doing it to fit in and follow the structures set out for us we never questioned. Children become resentful towards learning and the work they have to do for the same reasons; their job is not fulfilling, and it’s not what they are meant to be doing!
Children are meant to learn what they love and love what they learn. Their only job in life should be play. Every child is born with their own inherent genius, and if nurtured and allowed to form at their own pace they can go on to do great things in the world ~ things that actually fulfill them. When we don’t see that in them because we don’t see that in ourselves, we rob them of this freedom and teach them that work comes before play. This is far from the truth!
The reason play is more important than work is that what a child is passionate about from a young age is part of their unique gifts and essence, and shapes who they become. When allowed to develop these gifts naturally and in unlimited ways, children grow a love and insatiable thirst for learning. In this setting, they have the ability to learn in a day what the school classroom may teach over an entire semester!
I am witness to this every day in my own children. From the moment they wake to the the moment they go to bed they are in charge of their day. Apart from planning a shopping trip or suggesting an afternoon walk to the library, they are choosing moment to moment what they want to learn.
Learning tends to be seen as this thing kids do when they go to school. This thing that happens at a certain time of day, at a particular place, in a certain way. This is the opposite of learning! Learning is happening all the time, everywhere, at every moment, in every way.
Math is learned through playing video games, board games, shopping, making online purchases, programming to make mods, counting on a calendar, conversations about age and important events. Math is an important tool that is never overlooked but used every day in multiple ways. A child is using math all the time; we just don’t see it!
Writing, reading and spelling is learned through also playing video games, reading tutorials, searching online, reading signs when out, labels at the supermarket, messages sent from friends, typing to friends, telling others our name. Children are using words all the time, in every way; we just don’t see it!
Science is learned through life. By looking at the sky, the moon, the stars, the plants. By experiencing the seasons, the weather, the dirt on our feet, the water on our skin, the animals we caress, the food we eat, the way our bodies move, grow, transform. Children are natural scientists, mathematicians, authors and healers all the time, in every way. All we need to do is see.
Learning is also about our emotional state. Becoming aware of the feelings in our body, what makes us feel good or bad, what we do or don’t want, who we do or don’t like, where we do or don’t want to be. Learning is relationships ~ particularly with our parents, and many children are sent off to school very young to learn from their peer group rather than within the confines of their parent/child relationships.
But we are taught the opposite of these things as children. We are taught to do what others tell us to do rather than what we really want to do. We are taught to feel what others want us to feel rather than how we really feel. We are taught to think the same way others think rather than how we really think. We are taught that our peer groups matter more than our parents.
This can all be reversed by beginning to see learning for what it actually is ~ a natural part of evolution that happens uniquely for every individual. When we are forced to follow everyone else and reach a certain level, we bypass much of our natural ability to learn and discern from what is us or what is someone else. Our true sense of self becomes lost in a sea of structure, work, commitments and deadlines.
Our true sense of self wants to play. Those childhood gifts and inner genius is never truly lost. It is always waiting for its moment to come out of the dark and lead the way once again. Much of what we learned in school is forgotten the older we get, and we either end up only taking the one thing that made sense out of all of it; the one thing that was the closest aligned with our inherent gifts and genius, or we end up doing something we don’t like doing that we never even needed all that school work for anyway!
Why not let our kids off the hook and skip all that baggage? Just go straight to nurturing those gifts and unique passions that schooling doesn’t cater for? We can either realise our true calling through years of mindless, boring work, or we can simply never forget it in the first place.
Much love,
Leisa.
Leisa Coleman 