If you are the kind of parent who has a “eat what you’re given or go hungry” outlook on food, then this post might not be for you. But if you are a parent who is concerned your child might not be getting enough food throughout the day, reading what I have to share about my experiences with childcare and eating may be of some benefit to you.
Coming from a background of unschooling, which meant my children followed their own body clock when it came to eating, sleeping, and learning, it was a difficult transition going back into the education system where there are rules and set times for everything. It didn’t take very long for me to recognise the problems within the system I had seen before when my children were in school, and it was extremely challenging to fit in and do what was expected of me. I cannot imagine a life now where I tell my children what they should eat and when.
Working in a centre that had a cook who prepared every meal, I witnessed day after day young children trying to express their aversions to certain foods and hunger for other foods, and to my horror, many children were left hungry if they didn’t like what they were served up! Some children were even told they couldn’t have their dummy or bottle of milk for rest time unless they ate their food. Once in a while they were given an alternative, like a vegemite sandwich, but this was often discouraged, and we were urged to try and teach the children to try the food on offer.
Weeks would go by and the menu would change to avoid wastage, which was a common thing. Rather than stick with the things that were eaten by the children; the things they enjoyed, lots of different things were presented to them to add variety. Often these were things that had vegetables in them that were visible to the children, or things with too many ingredients, and the children would just turn their noses up at the sight. Although I would make suggestions based on what I saw the children eating and their preferences, these suggestions were overlooked and I was told I had to try and make the children eat the food.
It wasn’t until I became the Lead Educator in a room of 22 children that I began to implement changes that had the children eating when they were hungry, and having some choice over their food. Many parents I spoke to were shocked to hear that their child had been refusing to eat, as no-one had ever told them before. One or two parents didn’t seem to mind and wanted their child to learn to eat what they were given or go hungry, but for the parents who showed concern, my priority became to work with them and their child to ensure they were eating enough throughout the day.
The first thing I would suggest to parents was to pack their child a lunch box. This wasn’t always appreciated by parents, as they felt that if they were paying to have food supplied to their child they should take advantage of that. But some parents wanted to give it a try and began sending their child with their own food. I would always offer these children the food prepared at daycare, but they knew that of they didn’t want it they could still eat what they had brought. The benefits soon showed and they began to look forward to meal times rather than dread them!
Sometimes the children who brought a packed lunch would still eat the food on offer, depending on what it was, but for most of them, having their own lunch box provided comfort and safety. It can feel unsafe to a child to not have trust that they will be able to eat what feels good to them whenever they are hungry. We don’t want meal times to be a thing of stress or control, we want children to develop a healthy relationship to food. Forcing them to eat or try foods that don’t appeal to them – no matter how healthy – can create unhealthy relationships to food that can affect them later in life. Restricting food can be a recipe for creating eating disorders when they are older.
I would also not restrict their lunch box until meal times, but allow them access to their own food as they pleased. This was sometimes difficult when other children were hungry and could not bring a lunch box, but they would always have access to fruit. I was told that if one parent started packing their child a lunch, then all parents might, and that it would defeat the purpose of having meals provided. To me, it seemed far more of a benefit to the children to be in a centre where they can bring their own lunch, rather than one who provides all of the food, as this leaves the children with little choice or control over their food throughout the day.
Here are some positive ways that bringing a packed lunch to daycare can benefit a child immensely:
• They feel a sense of safety around eating and trust that they can meet their own hunger needs.
• They can eat foods they are used to eating at home and not forced to try new foods when they are not ready.
• They can look forward to meal times with excitement and predictability, rather than a sense of dread or unknowing if their hunger will be satisfied.
• They can follow their bodies and eat whenever they feel hungry, rather than on someone else’s clock (if the centre supports this).
• They are not going hungry because they are eating foods they like.
Another way I had children eating more throughout the day was by taking advantage of the baskets of fruit we were given in our rooms. I began allowing the children to snack between meals by going to the fridge and taking an apple or banana, when all the other rooms controlled the fruit supply and used it sparingly. This was to help the children feel safe in knowing that food was readily available. At first, they were not used to this freedom as before I ran the room food was restricted. They expressed this newfound freedom by over-eating the fruit and just taking it to fill this need, even if they didn’t really finish the piece of fruit. To find balance and work within the needs of the centre and food control, I simply asked the children to ask me first for a piece of fruit, and if there were several children wanting the fruit, my assistants and I would cut up the fruit into a large platter to avoid wastage.
I also occasionally provided alternatives for the children who didn’t have anything else when they didn’t want the meals provided. I took advantage of leftover loaves of bread that needed to be used up and made them jam or vegemite sandwiches. Or I would go to the kitchen and find a bit more fruit, or bring in some weetbix and milk in the mornings as a late breakfast. I could not do this all of the time though, as we were encouraged to keep the food for set meal times.
I do want to highlight the fact that there was plenty of food provided for the children at the centre; there were generally leftovers so they could have seconds, and there were also biscuits and cookies given to the children as a late afternoon snack, which they enjoyed thoroughly. I am not pointing out the lack of food available for children, rather, the lack of freedom and choice around food. Although many children in my room began to bring a packed lunch and were eating more, I was often criticised for this and advised against it.
I often failed to participate in the negative messages and consequences given to the children around food, and this was frowned upon. If I still gave a biscuit to a child who was hungry but had just hurt another child, I was told I should not be rewarding children with food. I was often told by the cook that the children should not be eating in between meals and should learn to wait, and I disagreed. I continued to support the needs of the children in my care, despite judgment and disapproval.
In my experience, children cannot eat on demand just because it’s time to. Set meal times in a centre does not support a child’s natural rhythms and internal body clock. Often the children in my care would not be hungry around lunch time, but be hungry an hour later, so I began to keep their food aside in the fridge to heat up later. Or, they would get hungry before morning tea, so I would allow them some fruit or their lunch box, even if morning tea was not far away. I constantly heard other educators tell the children in their rooms that they had to wait, or to eat their food at the time it was given to them, or they would miss out.
Children also cannot be made to eat certain foods that we deem “healthy.” Sure, we want what’s best for our children and we want them to be healthy, but in trying to do this there can be a lack of trust and faith that our child will find their way to the healthiest foods for them through trial and error. It’s true that we can give a small child vegetables disguised in other foods, but as they get older and begin to develop their taste buds they may be turned off certain things like vegetables, but there are other ways to give them nutrients. Setting an example of a healthy lifestyle for our children without forcing them to follow is the best way to encourage them to be healthy, but we must face the reality that they may have a different perspective on what’s healthy or right for them. Children tend to do the opposite of what we want them to do, so putting too much emphasis on eating their vegetables and making a big deal of it is likely to cause them to push them away even more.
I would be lying if I said I never made mistakes and occasionally gave in to the expectations and language spoken by the other educators. It was hard to do what I felt was best when I was surrounded by such different perspectives and ideas around children and food. I came to see that most of the staff caring for the children most likely had the same food restriction and control growing up and were simply following what they had been taught.
By the time I had finished my work at the centre, the children in my room had built a strong sense of trust with their educators around food and were so much happier. Now that I run my own family daycare, I encourage parents to bring a packed lunch for their child full of the things they enjoy. Their food is always available whenever they want it, and they don’t have to wait until a certain time to eat. This is how nature intended!
If you are a parent who is concerned about your child getting enough food at daycare, do not be persuaded by the beliefs of educators and staff at your centre. Only you and your child know what feels right and you are deserving of the care you desire. If you are in a centre that provides food and you wish to send your child with their own lunch to be sure they are eating, go right ahead! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
It is my wish that we all begin to embrace a new way of caring for children that supports their needs, not the needs of the system. Only then will we see happy, healthy children who can be themselves and thrive! It doesn’t have to be a harsh world; it can be a world filled with freedom and joy!
Many blessings,
Leisa ❤️
Leisa Coleman 