Image by KmBerggren
A lot of what childcare consists of is preparation and prevention. There is a constant focus on a future that does not exist and situations that have not yet occurred.
When I was leading the Junior Kindy room, I was told it was my job to prepare the children for the next room – the Kindy room, which would prepare the children for Prep or “big school” the following year.
Even if these children were not yet toilet trained or still cried for their parents, it was constantly brought to my attention that these things had to stop once they moved up to the next room.
I saw the same thing when I first started working with the younger children. It seemed to just be the language educators used in each room to tell the children constantly that they were a “big boy” or “big girl now,” expected to suddenly no longer need a comforter, bottle, nappy, or to cry for their parents.
It is my understanding that children need support to develop naturally at their own pace, and not be made to conform to each room and grow up faster than what might be right for them.
This is not to say that children shouldn’t be nudged from time to time to take that next step, or not be given healthy responsibility, but forcing a child to grow up and develop before they are ready can have damaging effects. It can send all kinds of harmful messages to them.
It’s preparation for the preparation and it doesn’t stop there! We are always preparing our children for something. Once they hit Prep they spend the next decade or more being prepared every year for when they leave school and get a job. Then they get the job and spend the next 30 years preparing for retirement! If life is all about preparing for the future, when do our children get to enjoy the present moment?
Being in the present moment is conditioned out of children by focusing on this preparation and forcing them to learn things they are not ready for or interested in. They may want to spend hours, days or weeks doing the one thing they love to do most, yet they are constantly steered away from this in an educational setting.
So, what might the best kind of childcare look like?
• It would support uniqueness in every child, rather than expect them to all be the same.
• It would allow children to choose the activities they want to do, rather than make them do things that don’t interest them.
• It would guide children to develop naturally, rather than shame them and expect them to reach a certain line in a certain time frame.
• It would praise children for their efforts and growth as it occurs naturally, rather than when they do it to conform and please those around them.
Much of my perspective around this type of childcare comes from my experiences as an unschooling family. Unschooling is the opposite of schooling, which is the act of socialising and teaching children how to learn and behave in society. Unschooling is the act of allowing children to learn and develop naturally, according to their own internal rhythms and guidance. It can be hard to believe that we each have this internal guidance, always trying to steer us in the right direction, especially when this inner voice is very faint in comparison to the loud voices of those around us, always telling us what to do, where to go and who to be. Eventually, these voices become our voice, and we barely recognise our true voice within.
Allowing my children to be guided by their own internal voice has demonstrated to me that children can in fact grow and learn on their own, with the right kind of support and in the right kind of environment. I have watched them grow from small children into confident, capable adults, always following their passions and truth, which has guided them into employment, relationships, self-responsibility and independence. And all I have done is accept them for who they are, at whatever stage they are at, trusting that whatever they need to learn will come to them at the right time.
As a parent, I understand the pressure of expectations and trying to raise children according to what we’ve always been taught is “normal.” My journey to undoing those old beliefs and stressful parenting has not been an easy one! I continue to be challenged to step outside the box and look at my children from a new perspective.
I am always brought back to acceptance of the present moment. I can’t know what the future holds. I have no control over it or how my children will turn out. All I can do is keep going on the path of unconditional love and always be willing to support my children as best I can. A dear friend and mentor recently said to me: Love them as best as you can, balancing compassion and freedom with the structure and constraints that are necessary to help them adapt to the conditions of this planet!!
It was just what I needed to hear!
With love,
Leisa ❤️
Leisa Coleman 