I saw a news article the other day about concern over children falling behind due to having to learn from home. I was immediately reminded of how this concept of falling behind has completely dissolved for me, having witnessed my children teach themselves for the past 9 years.
In my unschooling book I wrote an entire chapter on this, sharing my personal concerns and experiences with my children falling behind and how I came to trust the process of learning naturally. I also share throughout the book our transition from public schooling to unschooling, and the many stages that came with that. These stages included the online lessons with teachers and homework, to 1-2 hr slots of homeschooling, to completely letting go of any and all teaching and control over my children’s learning.
These stages of transition certainly were not without all the fears and assumptions that come with such a radical shift in learning. It took some time, but I am pleased to say that the days of comparing my children to some sort of standard and level are long gone.
What I noticed when my children began learning from home is that they dropped what wasn’t needed or not relevant to them and gained what was. Eventually I could no longer even see a “ahead” or “behind,” only balance. Some of the things they didn’t need or desire, like handwriting fell away and didn’t return. They found other ways of expressing or communicating. Other things, like math fell away and came back later on, when it was needed ~ for shopping, counting or problem solving.
And something like reading never fell away, but skyrocketed. When my eldest was 10 and left school, I was told by teachers that if we didn’t keep up with his reading he would fall behind and have trouble later in life. I decided not to listen, and thankfully this resulted in him dropping uninteresting topics, assessments and testing to read about what inspires him and what he is passionate about. Within a short time after stopping reading lessons, he was reading everything and anything! He is now 18 and thriving. There is nothing he cannot read.
With something like spelling, completely letting go of the painful task of making my children sound out words and spell them correctly resulted in a period of not being able to spell, becoming a slow process over time of being able to spell words through their own research, communications and reading. There was a period of time when I would be asked by my two eldest children to spell words for them and I saw this as a more gentle, supportive way of guiding, rather than seeing it as a flaw in them that needed to be corrected. My two youngest, who haven’t been to school never needed any help and learned to read, write and spell on their own. I am happy to say that all four of my children can spell and read fluently.
The main fear I hear in other parents and teachers is that allowing things to drop away naturally may result in an inability to succeed later in life or get a job. I hope that my children’s efforts and achievements are not all for the sake of fitting into and being qualified enough to participate in society. I hope they follow their passions and do what they love. I trust that doing what they love will lead to learning skills that are needed for them to carry out their work in the world. There is so much we can do that isn’t dependent on how much we learned at school, and from my experience as a child who did 12 years of schooling, I didn’t need any of it to be who I am today, and have left most of it behind.
My sense is that do we really want to waste all these years drumming numbers, sounds and letters into our child’s heads as insurance against their lack of knowledge? For me, I no longer see knowledge as something limited to the brain ~ math, reading, spelling, writing, etc. There is a vast world of knowledge within each of us that can be tapped into at any time; we are always guided by our very own selves into areas of learning that support who we are and where we are at in our development and spiritual evolution. Being forced to learn takes us away from our connection to this place within, leading not to success later in life, but confusion about who we really are and what we really want to be.
Thankfully, many of us go through spiritual awakening and transformation to drop a lot of this baggage and see through the layers of unwanted knowledge and into our true nature and essence. Why not give our children the short cut and guide them into their true place within? They will appreciate us for it!
From what I have seen over the years of watching my children self educate is that there is only a “ahead” or “behind” when a bar has been set for them to reach. Otherwise they have no real concept of comparison when it comes to learning. They are free to set their own bars and compare themselves to others if that naturally arises. I get so much pleasure out of witnessing their unique blossoming, and my appreciation and gratitude for this path continues to blossom alongside them.
I am excited to support the unfolding and see where it takes us! May you also experience the freedom in letting go and trusting nature!
Much love,
Leisa ❤
**For guidance and support around unschooling or parenting, please visit my Meditative Sessions page to see if working with me in this way calls to you**
**For a more detailed sharing of our unschooling journey you can get a copy of my book by visitng my Read My Book page**
Leisa Coleman 